Broken Inside
by mamadoom823
Summary: I do not own the Gazette *just my wicked imagination* AU Rated M for a reason After losing his boyfriend violently and being a victim himself, Takanori moves to the city to live with his aunt and start over. High school is bad enough to begin with, mix in being the new kid, being short and being gay and high school becomes hell.
1. Chapter 1

Broken Inside Part 1

Takanori had always hated being the new kid in school. Growing up, his dad's job had kept them moving around a lot. He had finally gotten a promotion and they had stopped bouncing around three years ago. Taka had finally had a chance to make real friends and had even started dating at the end of the last school year. Everything had finally fallen into place and he was happy.

Then the first week of fall classes had started and it had all blown up in his face. He'd been out on a date and the entire soccer team had shown up at the ice cream parlor and started harrassing them. They had thrown out their sundae and left, hoping to avoid serious conflict for once. Taka still had a few bruises from the last time they'd been attacked. The team had followed them and continued calling them every lame insult in their limited vocabulary.

The couple had gone into the parking garage where they had parked and almost made it safely to the car before the team reached them. Taka was getting used to being their punching bag after the last three months but this time it was different. He could smell the alcohol on the breath of the team captain as he screamed in Taka's face.

Then the beat down had started and he could barely catch his breath. After what felt like hours the beating had stopped and he had lifted his head, looking for Ando, needing to see how he was. Ando had just barely given him a thumbs up, their signal that they had survived, when the second part of the attack had started.

Sometime during the next few hours of being alternately raped and beaten Ando and Taka had both lost conciousness. They had been left, beaten, bloody and broken, to die in the parking garage. A young couple had found them after a late movie had let out and they had been rushed to the hospital.

Ando had never regained conciousness and died from his injuries. Taka had woken up after a week and told the police what had happened. Not that anything much would ever be done about it. The soccer captain was the son of the police cheif and said that he and his team had never entered the parking garage. He swore after leaving the ice cream parlor, the only place with witnesses, that he and his friends had gone to a park.

Taka's family wasn't much better, not wanting to admit their son was gay, they had kicked him out for falsely accusing the team. His aunt had come from the city rescued him though. She had made sure he got caught up on the school work he missed when he was in the hospital. She had packed all his belongings since he was no longer allowed in his home. The she had moved him in with her and now he was in a new school again.

He sighed as he awkwardly opened the door to his first class with his left hand. His right arm was still in a cast after having to be reset a second time last week. The teacher had smiled as he came in and made him introduce himself to the rest of the class. He stood there stiffly in front of the room full of strangers and gave his name but didn't say any more. Finally the teacher told him to take a seat that was thankfully in the back of class.

For the most part the other students left him alone during class since they had a very busy day. He was glad when lunch time finally came around until he noticed that half the class stayed there to eat. He shrugged his bag over his uninjured shoulder and headed out to find a quiet place to eat. The lunchroom was out with so many people in it and even the library here was crowded. Why did this school have to be so damned big?

It was really too cold to sit outside but he found a fairly sheltered area far enough away from the sports area that he could eat alone. He had just started eating when a shadow fell across his lunch. Looking up he groaned inwardly when he saw that the student at the front of the group was holding a soccer ball.

"Hey new kid," the boy said as he bounced the ball off his knee. "Hand over your lunch and get lost."

"Are you serious?" Taka squeaked.

"Did you hear the little mouse?" the captain laughed. "Hand it over mousie."

"Just leave me alone, alright," Taka said as he closed his eyes and held out the box lunch his aunt had made him.

"Maybe we will, maybe we won't," he said as he took the box.

"Hey! Give the new kid back his lunch, Toshi!" a new voice called.

"Take a hike Yuu. This isn't any of the baseball teams concern."

"Cut the crap. Give him back his lunch or you won't be eating anything that doesn't fit through a straw for the rest of the year," the owner of the new voice said as he grabbed the captain by his shirt.

"This isn't over, Yuu," Toshi said as he dropped the box in front of Taka.

"It is if you want to keep playing soccer. I suggest you all clear out. Now."

"Let's go before Yuu starts flipping tables already, Toshi," one of the other soccer players said.

"Whatever." Toshi and the others turned around and walked away.

"You okay there kid?" Yuu asked when the others were out of sight.

"Yeah, thanks," Taka said wishing he was invisible.

"I'm Yuu, but I'll bet you figured that part out already. What's your name?"

"Takanori."

"Nice to meet you Takanori. Most of the soccer team isn't so bad but when they're all together like that they just follow Toshi's lead. He's the one you have to watch out for. If he sees anybody on their own he feels this compulsion or something to mess with them. If you stick a little closer to the school and in sight of others you'll be fine."

"You talk a lot," Taka said and instantly wished he hadn't. This guy had just helped him and he was being really rude. "Sorry."

"Nah, don't worry about it. I do tend to ramble on sometimes. Anyhow, if those guys ever give you any trouble find me. Shiroyama Yuu, fourth year student, pitcher for the schools baseball team and all around cool guy."

"Uh, sure, I'll keep that in mind."

"See you 'round Takanori," Yuu said as he turned and left. "And remember, close to the building and in sight of help."

Takanori gathered his things and took the upperclass members advice and found a less isolated spot to finish his lunch. Thankfully none of the other students decided to bother him and he ate in relative peace. It had to be the soccer team that singled him out on his first day he thought dejectedly. So much for a fresh start, it seemed like he was right back where he had started only this time there was no Ando by his side.

After he finished eating he shoved the box back into his satchel and headed slowly inside. He didn't really want to sit in the classroom with his fellow students but he wanted to avoid the soccer team. The class was the lesser of two evils so he headed back feeling slightly sick.

Maybe he should have taken more time off from school but that would have meant taking an extra semester or two at the end of his final year. It was difficult enough being the shortest kid in his year and he was dreading what would happen if the students here learned he was gay. He'd just have to ignore the part of him that was lonely until after he graduated he knew.

It was going to be a long few years but he wasn't going to take the chance and become a willing target ever again. He wasn't even sure if he'd be able let anybody close enough to him after what had happened. He tried to push the memories away before they took hold of him but when he saw Toshi and some of the other boys from earlier it was impossible.

Taka started to shake as they noticed him and headed in his direction. He wanted to turn and run but his body wouldn't listen and he stood frozen in fear. His stomach churned and he thought he might throw up there in the middle of the school. Maybe if he was really lucky he would choke and not have to endure any further humiliation.

"Hey new kid," Toshi said as he stopped a few feet in front of Taka. "Where's your hero now?"

Taka couldn't make a single sound as he tried hard not to embarass himself by bursting into tears.

"Nothing to say little mouse? Not even a single squeak?" he sneered.

"Come on Toshi, this is boring," one of the other boys said.

"Shut up Akira. The fun parts coming any second now. Kid looks like he's about to piss himself."

Please don't let that happen, Taka silently begged.

"Yeah, that sure sounds like fun to me," another boy said, sounding bored.

"Look at him, Kouyou. He's so scared that I'm surprised he's not crying for his mommy to help him. Go ahead little mouse, call for your mommy," Toshi said as he started to circle Taka.

"What the hell is wrong with you Toshi?" Yuu said as he came up unseen behind the soccer team. "Can't you leave this kid alone for more than five minutes? Or is this how you always find a date?"

"Fuck off Yuu, just because you swing that way doesn't mean I do. Besides, kid here looks like he's barely out of diapers. Too bad since he probably could use one right about now," Toshi laughed.

"Real mature, Toshi," Yuu said as he eyed Taka. "Leave him alone or I'll be having a long talk with your coach."

"You open your big mouth to Coach again and you'll regret it Mr. I'm So Damned Special. I'm sick of you sticking your nose in my business."

"So you make it your business to harass new first year students?"

"What if I do? You gonna do anything about it or just be a snitch bitch like always?"

"Walk away Toshi. Last warning."

"I'm so scared. Help me guys, Yuu's gonna lecture me to death."

It happened so fast that Taka wasn't even sure he saw what took place. One second Yuu and Toshi were staring each other down. The next Toshi was pinned against the wall with his arm twisted behind his back. The more he fought against the hold, the higher Yuu pushed the other boys hand.

"Get off me, Yuu," Toshi demanded.

"Apologize to Takanori or I will break your damned arm."

"I'm not apologizing to that little, ow owowowowowow. Sorry Takanori. Sorry. Now let me go dammit."

"Say it like you mean it Toshi."

"I already said sorry to the little runt. Ow mother fucking hell Yuu!" Toshi screamed as the pressure on his arm increased until there was a sickening snap. "You broke my arm! Holy shit you broke my fucking arm!"

"I said say it like you mean it Toshi," Yuu repeated in a deadly voice, continuing to push against the injured arm.

"I am deeply sorry for everything Takanori. Owowowow. Please forgive me for being a jerk. Come on Yuu let me go already."

"What the hell is going on here?"

"Coach!" Toshi cried in relief. "Yuu attacked me and I think he broke my arm!"

"Is this true Yuu?" the coach asked.

"I didn't attack him, sir. I was merely defending Takanori there from being harassed for the second time today."

"Takanori huh? You new here?" the coach asked as he looked at the terrified boy. Taka couldn't answer he was shaking so badly. His huge eyes were swimming with tears and he wasn't sure how much longer he could hold them back.

"Are you alright Takanori?" the coach asked calmly. Getting no response he looked at the captain of his soccer team in disgust. "Yuu, please take Takanori to the infirmary while I deal with Toshi."

"Yes sir," Yuu said finally releasing the other boy. "Come on Takanori, let's get out of here."

When Taka still didn't respond Yuu put a hand on his shoulder and gently steered him away from the crowd that had gathered around them. He led the smaller boy to the other end of the school and into the nurses office. Seeing that she was away he took Taka into the quiet room behind the desk and helped him onto one of the beds.

Until he had seen him in the hallway, surounded by the soccer team, Yuu hadn't noticed how small Takanori was. He was so damn cute that Yuu couldn't decide whether he wanted to wrap him in a hug or kiss him senseless. Too bad he hadn't gotten any kind of vibe off Takanori saying he was even remotely interested. Normally he preferred guys who were a bit more, well more, but there was something appealing about the almost fragile looking boy.

When Takanori sat stiffly on the edge of the bed Yuu sighed and slipped the other boys shoes off for him. Still he sat unmoving and Yuu urged him lay back on the bed and covered him with a light blanket. He could see that Takanori will still shaking and that combined with the other boys silence was worrying him.

"Takanori? Hey, it's all over now. Toshi isn't going to bother you anymore okay?"  
Taka could hear Yuu talking to him and he understood what the older boy was saying but he couldn't force any words to leave his lips. Instead, to his horror, he felt the tears he had been fighting against start to spill out.

"No, don't cry. No no no no no no no no no! I don't know what to do when somebody cries. Aww, come on Takanori, please don't cry," Yuu begged.

Unable to stop the flow of tears, Taka closed his eyes tight and wished he could disappear.

"It'll be okay, Takanori," Yuu said as he patted the other boys head awkwardly. He felt like an idiot but he didn't know what else to do and the nurse still hadn't come back. "Come on, cheer up. It's all over now."

Taka wanted to believe it was that easy but the past had taught him otherwise. The silent tears turned into sobs that made him curl up into a ball in an attempt to stop.  
"Oh man," Yuu said as he started to panic. His mind raced as he tried to figure out what to do. At a loss he kicked off his own shoes and climbed onto the bed behind Takanori. He slid under the blanket and wrapped his arms around the smaller boys body pulling him close and held him there.

As Yuu's warmth spread through Taka's body he began to relax and was finally able to quit shaking. Sobs still poured out of him and he found himself rolling over and burying his face against Yuu's chest. The strong arms wrapped around him pressed him closer if possible and he felt safe for the first time in what felt like forever.

Finally Takanori's tears ran dry and he started drifting off to an exhausted sleep. Somewhere in the background he heard the bell ring, signaling that he had missed an entire class. However he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment. The voices in the hallway seemed so far away and unimportant to him. The sound of running feet and someone calling out for Yuu barely manage to penetrate his mind.

"Yuu? Are you still in here?" a voice called from the other room.

"Back here, Yutaka," Yuu called back.

"What happened, baby? All everybody was talking about was you and Toshi going at it and who the hell is that?"

"Relax, sweetie," he said as he sat up. "This is Takanori. He's new here and was Toshi's latest victim."

"And you're in bed with him why?"

"Toshi was in a really nasty mood today and poor Takanori here got the brunt of it. We're in the infirmary in the middle of the day, Yutaka, it's not like anything happened."

"It better not have," he said as he pulled Yuu to him for a kiss. "Why are you in the infirmary though?"

"The coach asked me to bring Takanori to see the nurse. She wasn't in so I stayed with him."

"Well you missed a really important lesson, baby. Come on, we can't be late for class."

"Yutaka, I'm not leaving him alone here."

"Give me a break, Yuu. This is high school, he should be able to look out for himself in the infirmary."

"Yutaka, green is not your color," Yuu teases as he kisses the boy now pouting in front of him. "Just go to class and I'll be there whenever the nurse gets back."

"Alright baby. I'll see you soon," Yutaka said stealing one last kiss before leaving. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Takanori lay silently on the bed during the entire exchange, pretending to sleep. He didn't know why it hurt to find out that Yuu had a boyfriend already. He had already decided that he'd just wait until he was out of school before he even tried dating again. But it had been nice to pretend, just for a minute, that he could be himself and it would be okay. 


	2. Chapter 2

Broken Inside Part 2

The nurse had finally arrived and Yuu had explained to her about the incident in the hallway and Takanori's breakdown afterwards. She had thanked Yuu for watching over the younger student and sent him to class. When Takanori had woken up she had sent him home saying that she had already spoken to his aunt. Taka had gathered his belongings and taken the bus to the small house his aunt owned.

At some point between the time his arrival and his aunts he had gone to the small bathroom across the hall from his room with a knife from the kitchen. He had run the tip of the blade over his left forearm repeatedly, wondering how it would feel if he applied pressure. He wondered how much pressure was needed to cut through the skin and muscle underneath. How hard would he need to push to get to the vein?

Slowly he turned the knife over and placed the sharpened edge against his arm. He pressed down and drew it from his wrist to his elbow, using more force as he went. Nothing happened though and he moaned in frustration. He slid the blade across his finger and realized that this was the dullest knife he had ever held. The butter knife would probably be more effective than this.

He went back to the kitchen and checked the other knives in the butcher block and to his disappointment they were all similarly dull. How was he supposed to slits his wrists in a fit of depression when all the knives in the house were useless? Feeling utterly desolate he began going through the drawers in the kitchen to see what they held.

In the third one he looked through he found a small package that held razors and pulled it out. The box held three and he took one out and pressed it to his finger experimentally. Immediately there was a line of red running down his finger, across his palm and over his arm. He looked up at his finger again, a little surprised to realize that he had cut so deeply on the first try.

He set the razor on the counter and watched as the blood continued to flow out of him. He liked the warmth of it running along his arm when he held the injured hand up. He liked the contrast of the dark red against his pale skin. He stood in the kitchen and watched the crimson trailing along him as he turned his hand this way and that.

The sun began to set and when the room darkened around him he flipped the light on and noticed the pools of dried and drying blood he had left on the floor. He took a hand towel and wrapped it around the still bleeding finger before taking the razor up to his room. He wiped the blood from it and hid it in his dresser, under the lining in the drawer full of socks and underwear.

Going back to the kitchen he picked up another towel and wet it at the sink before he began trying to wipe up the floor. He had gotten about half of the mess cleaned up when his aunt came home. She took one look at the blood on the floor and staining the towel on his hand and whisked him off to the hospital for stitches.

When he was asked how it had happened he lied, saying there was a piece of glass hidden under his bag when he dropped it. No more questions were asked about it as the doctor set to work. A few stitches and a prescription for antibiotics later and they were on the way home. Since it was late his aunt insisted they stop for take out so neither of them had to cook or clean.

For the next two weeks school wasn't as bad as it could have been. Nobody really cared that he had left early after the scene in the hall so nobody teased him about it. There were a couple of soccer players that had tried to corner him a few times but he had managed to avoid them so far.

He had also managed to avoid Yuu but not Yuu's boyfriend. Yutaka kept showing up around the school and always seemed to be watching him. It was starting to creep him out a little bit and he wondered if he should talk to someone about Yutaka. The guy was beginning to make him nervous with his stalking.

After several days of intermittent rains the sky was finally clear and Taka was glad to be able to escape outside for his lunch again. Even without Toshi around to bother him he still stayed near the building and in sight of other people. It was cooler out now that the rain had come through and there were less people outside than usual but that was perfect for Taka. He looked up as a shadow fell across him and saw Yuu and the two most persistant soccer players before him.

"There you are, Takanori," Yuu said with a smile. "We've been looking for you everywhere."

"I, uh, like eating outside."

"I remembered that and here we are. This is Kouyou and Akira, Kouyou is the new captain of the soccer team and he wanted a word with you. They asked me along so you'd know they aren't a threat."

"Oh, okay. What's up?" Taka asked confused.

"First off we want to apologize for not stopping Toshi," the taller one, Kouyou, said. "As the captain of the soccer team I've made it clear to the other players that I won't tolerate bullying from any of them."

"He told us he'd go Yuu on anybody that tried it," Akira said with a laugh.

"Shut up already," Kouyou said, elbowing his friend. "If anybody on my team gives you any trouble from here on out please tell me."

"Um sure, thanks."

"Okay, Takanori, we'll let you get back to your lunch. See you 'round."

"Bye," Taka said feeling relieved.

The new captain and his friend laughed and joked with Yuu as the three went back into the school. Taka turned the conversation over in his head as he ate. They seemed sincere in their apology so maybe now he wouldn't have to worry so much about them. There was still the fact that Yutaka kept showing up everywhere he went. As if on cue, another shadow fell across his lap.

"Stay away from Yuu," Yutaka said as the smaller boy looked up.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said stay away from Yuu, you little shit. He's mine."

"I haven't," Taka started to say.

"I've seen the way you look at him. Back off or you'll regret it."

"Honest, I don't," he tried again.

"Shut up, I don't want to hear your lies. He's not interested in a whiny little kid like you so just back off. This is your first and only warning. If I catch you near him again I will crush you like the bug you are. Got it, maggot?" Yutaka said as he leaned down and glared at the now cowering first year.

"Got it," Taka gulped in fear.

"Good," Yutaka said and stalked away.

Great, Taka thought, Yutaka almost made Toshi look like a cuddly little puppy. This school just kept getting better and better. Toshi would have beaten the crap out of him without a second thought because he was gay. Yutaka, being a jealous boyfriend would make him suffer in ways that Toshi couldn't understand.

The rest of the day Taka made sure that if he heard Yuu in the halls he went the other way. He was late for classes and given detention but at least he stayed off Yutaka's radar. When he got home he went straight to his room and took the razor from his drawer.

He sat on the edge of his bed staring at it and wondering where the best place to use it would be. If his aunt saw him bloody again she might get suspicious and start watching him. Plus he had gym class and had to change in front of the other students. It had to be somewhere that they wouldn't see any tell tale marks either.

He looked down at the hand holding the blade and cursed his own stupidity. If he kept the cuts under his boxers no one would ever see them. He stripped down after grabbing a towel from the bathroom and sat in the middle of his bedroom on the bare floor. He lightly ran the razor over his leg, just below where it met the hip and watched as a thin line of red trickled out.

For the next hour he expiremented with how much pressure he needed to use to cut without going too deeply. He watched as the blood beaded up along the cuts and slowly ran trails down his leg and onto the towel. He only stopped because his aunt would be home soon and he needed to get started on dinner and his homework. With a sigh he wrapped a bandage over his thigh and carefully rinsed and dried the razor.

The next few months at school weren't easy for Taka as his stalker kept turning up and threatening him every few days. There was nobody to turn to unless he wanted his secret out for the whole school to know. So he kept it to himself and did his best to become invisible. The cuts on his thighs barely healed before he covered them with new ones.

Slowly he started slipping farther and farther into his own darkness, lost in the deep red haze of his own blood. The days began to blend together and the only thing that set them apart was how much he bled. He couldn't bring himself to cry any more and let the droplets of blood become his new tears.

Spring came around and more students started taking a lunch outdoors so Taka began eating in the less crowded library. He could find a book and sit in a quiet corner and most days he never saw another person there. The end of term was coming up though and he knew that everyone would soon start intense study groups. There would be very few places in the school that he would be able to escape from the other students.

One of the last quiet days in the library Kouyou had come up to him to talk. The end of the soccer season was coming up and after the final game there would be a sleepover at the captains house. For some reason he wanted Taka to come along and hang out. It didn't matter what excuse he tried using, he couldn't find a way out.

It turned out that only a handful of players and a few other friends were there. Kouyou's family had a large house with an apartment over the garage and that was were the sleepover was being held. They ate pizza and played video games most of the night with loud music in the background.

As some of the boys started falling asleep the music was turned down and the video games shut off. They ended up playing a rowdy game of truth or dare and Taka dreaded what questions he might be asked. When his turn finally came up he blurted out dare and panic spread as he was dared to kiss one of the other boys.

"Um, I don't think," he said as he looked around at the others.

"You said you'd take a dare," the boy who had issued the dare reminded him.

"Yeah, but that's," he stammered.

"Come on Taka, don't be a chicken. It's just a little kiss. Nothing to be afraid of."

"I really," he tried again.

"You guys are so mean," Akira said as he got to his feet. "Taka probably hasn't even had his first kiss yet. Now you're going to ruin it for him and make him kiss another guy."

"I have," Taka said and blushed as Akira pulled him up as well.

"Well then it won't be so bad," Akira said and gave him a quick peck on the lips.  
"Oh give me a break, Akira. That wasn't a real kiss. That's like how you kiss your grandmother," Tomo, the boy who made the dare said.

"You never said what kind of kiss it had to be," Akira defended.

"Boo." "Kiss him." "You suck." The other boys started teasing.

"Fine, you guys want to see a real kiss, I'll show you how a man kisses. Assholes."

Akira pulled Taka to him and crushed their lips together. Taka squeaked in surprise and squeezed his eyes shut. He felt the taller boy's tongue against his lips and only resisted for a moment. Akira completely surprised the others in the room when he deepened the kiss. He ran his hands down Taka's back and cupped his ass, lifting the smaller boy against him.

He walked them a few steps over to the wall and pinned Taka against it. The kiss dragged on and when Taka let out a low moan Akira matched it with one of his own and rocked his hips. After several minutes Akira pulled up for air and rested his head against Taka's. Finally he looked over his shoulder at the rest of the boys in the room.

"Was that real enough for you?" he asked, still slightly breathless.

"Um, I never knew you went that way Akira," Kouyou said, sounding confused.

"I don't," Akira said as he stepped away.

"Yeah right," Tomo replied. "If you're not gay then how come you pitched a tent? 'Fess up, Akira."

"A what?" Akira said and looked down. "Oh, Taka's just a really good kisser, dumbass."

"Oh really? I think you two like each other," Tomo sang out gleefully.

"Shut up already Tomo," Akira said as he started to blush.

"See," Tomo cried as he pointed at Akira and Taka, who was blushing as well. "They do like each other."

"Knock it off, Tomo," Kouyou said, smacking the other boy over the head. "You're being a real ass. I mean who cares if they do or not? It's my house and my party and I don't care."

"Yeah well if they keep me up all night making out and stuff I'm kicking their asses," Tomo said as he crossed his arms.

"Sorry, Taka," Akira whispered in his ear. "I didn't mean for it to get out of hand like this."

Nobody said a word as the pair rejoined the circle and Akira pulled Taka to sit on his lap for the rest of the game. There were only a handful of others boys awake at that point and soon they were all yawning and heading to sleep. Akira moved his sleeping bag next to Taka's and in the end they slept on one and under the other.

Taka lay awake most of the night, circled protectively in Akira's arms. Akira gave off a lot of body heat and it was nice to be held like he mattered after so long. As he finally drifted off to sleep, Taka couldn't help but wish it was Yuu's arms wrapped around him so tightly. 


	3. Chapter 3

Broken Inside Part 3

Taka's secret was out there for the entire school to see now. He had hoped that it wouldn't go any further than the others who had been at the sleepover. Monday morning had been the same as usual and it wasn't until lunch that anything happened. He had been on his way outside to look for a quiet place to eat when he heard someone calling his name.

He had honestly thought for a minute that Akira was going to apologize again and that would be the end of things. Instead of breaking up with him quietly Akira had kissed him in the middle of the hallway. Not just any kiss either, but a kiss that had left Taka weak in the knees and gasping for breath. Several students had stopped to gape at the sight of one of the soccer teams star players practically molesting another student.

It wasn't until a teacher had come along and threatened them with detention that Akira pulled away. He took Taka by the hand and led him to the lunchroom, were they sat with many of Akira's teammates. This was the first time that Taka had actually been inside the large and overcrowded room. He tried sitting quietly eating his lunch but everyone kept talking to him, trying to make him part of the discussion.

Not having ever played soccer or really any sport Taka was lost most of the time. When they started talking about movies though he was finally able to join freely. A group of them were planning to go to the theater that weekend to see a new movie and invited Taka to join them.

"Seriously Tomo?" Akira asked, irritated. "If you want somebody to go with you fine, ask Kouyou or something."

"What's the matter Akira, jealous?" Tomo had teased.

"Of you? No way. You're ugly as shit and smell twice as bad."

"Yeah, okay. I've been close enough to you after practice and games to know how bad you smell."

"Mine washes away in the shower. Yours just kinda lingers and follows you around like a fog though," Akira laughed.

"Sorry Taka, I'm gonna have to beat the hell outta your boyfriend here. Sure you be with a guy who doesn't know when to shut his mouth?"

"Better that than a troll like you."

"Seriously Taka, what do you see in this guy?"

"What the hell Tomo? Every girl I ever dated you had tried to steal away from me. Now I'm with Taka and you're going to flirt with him?"

"Well he is pretty damned cute," Tomo teased.

"Enough," Kouyou said as he noticed the blush spreading on Taka's face. "Both of you sit your asses down and eat before the bell rings. I don't want to hear any complaints about being hungry at practice this afternoon."

"You're adding another practice?" Akira moaned as he sat back down.

"Yes. Every day after school until the championship games are over."

"Every day?" Tomo whined.

"Until the end. This is the farthest we've made it and I want our team to go all the way. So we're doing double practices every day."

"Double?" the whole team cried.

"Suck it up boys," Kouyou said in a tone that said not to complain.

The rest of the lunch period passed quickly and Akira walked Taka to class. There was another, briefer but no less intense kiss, before Akira raced away as the bell rang. Taka walked into the classroom and sat at his desk not daring to make eye contact with anyone. Halfway through the period the teacher was writing instructions on the board and Shion, the girl in front of Taka, caught his gaze and smiled, giving him a thumbs up. He smiled back and she giggled a little before turning back to the face the teacher.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that the students here knew he was gay. Yuu was on the baseball team and it didn't seem like anybody really gave him a hard time about being gay. The entire soccer team had seemed fine with the idea of he and Akira being together. There had been a little good natured teasing but it was just that, teasing amongst friends.

After school got out that day Akira had dragged him along to watch the team practice. Taka couldn't see what the big deal was as the boys kicked and chased after the balls they had on the field. He lost interest pretty quickly and considered leaving but as he picked up his bag Akira glanced his way. When the taller boy smiled and waved at him Taka returned the smile and pulled out his reading assignment.

When the pactice was over Akira made his way to where Taka was sitting and collapsed next to him. He flung an arm over his eyes in a show of exhaustion and breathed heavily. Taka put away the paper he had been writing and took in the sweat streaks covering Akira's shirt.

"Um, Tomo was right. You do stink after practice," Taka mumbled.

"That's not surprising since Kouyou had us running every drill there is. He's going to kill us before the next game," Akira replied.

"When is your next game anyhow? I thought that I heard somebody say the season was over."

"Regular season is over. We're in the running for the championship though so as long as we keep winning we have a few more matches left. We play again this Saturday though. You want to come and watch it? You could cheer for me."

"I've never actually watched a game before."

"Seriously? Never? That's it, you have to come. Tell your folks you'll be gone all day and meet us here around eight in the morning."

"I live with my aunt," Taka said quietly.

"Well tell her then. Everybody meets here at the school and a lot of people follow the bus to the game. I've gotta ride the bus with the team but I'll talk to my mom and see if she'll take you."

"Your mother?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Um, did you tell her about," he trailed off, unsure how to finish.

"Not yet. But I will tonight. As soon as I get home, promise."

"And you think she'll be okay with this? With you being gay?" Taka asked in disbelief.

"Why wouldn't she be? She's always saying that all she wants for us is that we're happy."

"Yeah, my parents used to say that. They didn't mean it."

"Then they suck. Is that why you live with your aunt?"

"Pretty much."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Akira asked as he put an arm around Taka's shoulders.

"Not much to tell. They refused to accept that I was gay and kicked me out. My aunt came and got me and here I am."

"My mom's more like your aunt than your parents. She'll be okay with it Taka."

"If you say so."

"Just wait and see. I'll call you after I talk to her and I bet she's going to want you and your aunt to come over for dinner," he said as he leaned over and kissed Taka on the forehead.

"A-Akira?" a girl's voice interupted the moment.

"Shit," Akira swore.

"What's wrong?" Taka asked half afraid.

"That's Miko. My mom isn't the only one I forgot to talk to. Just give me a minute okay?" he said as he stood.

"Sure."

Akira took Miko by the arm and led her a short distance away from where he had been sitting. Taka could see hurt, confusion, and anger cross her face as they talked. She looked at Taka several times while Akira spoke to her, each time with more hatred in her eyes. Taka started gathering the rest of his things and shoving them hastily back into his bag. He had a feeling that this wasn't going to end well and he wanted to get away from the school before that happened.

"Hey, Takanori," Yuu said as he sat down next to the smaller boy.

"Um, hey Yuu. I was just," he gestured towards his bag lamely.

"Leaving huh? Can't say that I blame you with Miko about to explode."

"I need to get home anyways, it's getting kinda late."

"Yeah, I heard Kouyou was making the team run all kinds of drills today. So it's true then?"

"What's true?" Taka asked completely confused.

"I've been hearing a rumor around school that you and Akira are together now. Since I've known Akira forever and he's never once hinted that he was into guys I didn't believe it. I didn't think you were but then again we've only met a couple of times."

"Um," Taka stalled.

Both boys turned as they heard a slap and saw Miko storming away as Akira rubbed the side of his face. He shook his head to clear it and turned to grin bashfully at Taka.

"That could have been a lot worse," Yuu decided.

"It could have?"

"Yeah. Miko and Akira were dating and I guess she just found out the rumor was true too."

"Oh, um."

"That about says it all. Well now that I know for sure I need to take off. I'm meeting Yutaka after his finishes some research paper in the library. Hey, go easy on Akira alright? He's kind of a dork sometimes but he's got a really good heart."

"Thanks."

Yuu waved as he walked back towards the school building. Taka watched as Akira gathered up his sports stuff and talked to a couple of other players doing the same. He smiled to himself as he thought about Yuu's parting words. Forgetting to tell his mother and girlfriend that he had been pretty dorky on Akira's part. But the grin on his face when he helped Taka up and the warmth of his hug made it clear that he was a big hearted dork.

When Taka got home that night his aunt was already there for once. He sat at the table and pulled out his homework while she made dinner. As they ate he told his aunt about Akira and being invited to the game that weekend. Before she had a chance to answer him the phone rang and he excused himself to get it.

A very excited Akira was on the other end and as promised he had spoken to his mother as soon as he got home. Taka was surprised that his mother had, as predicted by Akira, not cared that he now had a boyfriend. Taka and his aunt were invited, which in Akira's words meant ordered, to come for dinner the next night. Taka told his aunt about their plans and she agreed.  
For the rest of the evening Taka felt nervous about meeting Akira's mother and sister the following day. When he and Ando had together they had kept it a secret from their families. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act since he had never done a meet-the-family before.  
After his aunt had gone to sleep that night Taka gave in to the urge and pulled out the razor. The cool metal of the blade and the warm wetness of his blood soothed him like nothing else ever had. At some point in the night he cleaned up and covered the new lines on his leg. He slipped into pajamas and curled up in bed falling into a deep crimson colored dream.

When Taka and his aunt arrived for dinner the next night all his anxiety returned. Akira greeted them, stealing a quick kiss. He introduced Taka and his aunt to his mother and sister and they sat in the living room talking about general things until the meal was ready. Over dinner they discussed the upcoming game that weekend. It was agreed that Taka would ride with Akira's family and they would drop him off at home after the game.

Taka found himself relaxing as they had dessert in the living room and Akira held his hand. He almost choked when Akira's mother joked that she wouldn't have to worry about him coming to her and saying he had gotten Taka pregnant. His sister had joined in the teasing until Akira had blushed fiercly and admitted he was still a virgin. That had been met with a moment of silence before everybody had started laughing.

Things fell into a comfortable pattern after that. Taka would stay after school doing his homework during practices and afterwards Akira would walk him home. On the weekends he would go to the school and ride with Akira's family to the games.

When the team won the championship game there was a huge celebration that followed. Taka called his aunt to give her the news and let her know he would be late. She sounded a bit distracted but said to have a good time and they would talk when he got home. He tried not to let his worry show but his high spirits kept crashing down.

Akira walked him to the door and kissed him breathless as always before saying goodnight. Taka immediately noticed that all lights except the kitchen were off. He found his aunt there with her head in her hands, crying. Something had to be very wrong for her to cry, she was the strongest person he knew.

"Auntie? What's wrong?" he asked, kneeling beside her.

"Oh Taka," she cried and wrapped her arms around him. "It's your father. He's in the hospital."

"That's too bad," he said stiffly.

"It's his heart. They don't know if he's going to make it, hun."

"I'm sorry, Auntie," he tried to feel something other than apathy for the man who had raised then discarded him.

"He wants to see you."

"I'm dead to him. That was the last thing he said to me six months ago. While I was in the hospital myself after Ando was murdered."

"Taka, this might be the only chance you have to make peace with him."

"Or this might be his last chance to tell me what a perverted piece of filth I am. How sorry he is that he had to be stuck with trash like me for a son. That he never wanted me in the first place and my mother should have gotten the abortion like he told her to."

"Taka? Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Because he's your brother, Auntie. Because I didn't want anybody to know how much my own father hated me," he said as he brushed away tears of frustration.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry," she hugged him close. "You aren't any of those things, no matter what he said. You are one of the kindest, most lovable people I've ever known. I have been so blessed to have you in my life and I love having you live here with me. Forget what my idiot of a brother said to you. Just be you and be happy and things will work out.  
"I have to go see him unfortunately. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone though. Why don't I call Akira's mom in the morning and see if you can stay with them until I get home?"

"I can stay by myself, Auntie. I'm not a kid."

"Taka, you're not quite fifteen yet. If it was only going to be overnight or maybe a weekend it would be one thing. This might be a week, maybe longer."

"Alright, Auntie."

That night Taka took out the razor once again and bled until his tears ran dry. The next morning his aunt made the call and dropped him off on her way out of town. Akira helped him unpack his things into the dresser in the guest room in between stealing kisses.  
Taka's aunt called him that night after she had seen his father. She called again a week later to let him know that the funeral was being set up and she would be home a day or two afterwards. He wasn't sure how he should feel about his fathers death so he settled for feeling nothing at all. 


	4. Chapter 4

Broken Inside Part 4

Taka couldn't believe how much he missed having Akira around all the time. They were on break and Akira, with almost the entire soccer team, had gone away to a training camp. Sitting in the middle of his room late at night, razor in hand, he stared at the calender on the wall. Akira had drawn a heart on the day he'd be back and Taka had been crossing off the days until then. Three more days, he thought as he ran the blade over his skin.

Five days later he still hadn't heard anything from Akira and he knew that something was wrong. He made up his mind to go see Akira in the morning if he still hadn't called by then. The blade cut a little deeper than usual and Taka started to panic when he couldn't get the bleeding under control. He wrapped the towel around his waist and held a shirt against his leg as he carefully went to the kitchen to get an ice pack.

He made it back into his room without waking his aunt and pressed the ice over the wound. It took longer than he thought it should but Taka finally stopped the bleeding and bandaged his half numb leg. As exhausted as he was he knew he needed to clean up after his latest bout of stupidity. He dumped the ice water down the bathroom sink and took the towel and several bloodied shirts into the laundry room.

He managed to get his laundry done and scrub the blood from the bedroom floor without waking his aunt. If he so much as sneezed she was wide awake and checking to see if he had a fever. He cut himself and almost bled to death and she slept through his cleaning spree. Sighing, he poured himself another glass of juice before finally going to sleep.  
The next morning dawn bright and clear, a perfect summer day complete with birds chirping. Taka groaned as the ray of sun shifted and glared into his eyes. Why couldn't the day have been overcast so he could sleep in? Slowly he dragged himself out of bed, wincing as his injured leg protested the movement. He mentally kicked himself, wondering how he was going to explain his limp.

After eating a quick breakfast he got dressed and tried to think of what he should say to Akira when he showed up at his boyfriends house unannounced. He was telling his aunt about going to see Akira when there was a knock at the front door. Taka answered it and was surprised to see Akira's mother standing there crying.

"Um, hi Mrs," was all he got out before the woman wrapped her arms around him and began weeping.

"What in the world?" his aunt asked.

"I-it's so, so aw-awful," Akira's mother sobbed.

"Why don't you come into the kitchen and I'll make you some tea?" Taka's aunt offered as she led the way.

"Th-thank you."

Over tea Akira's mother told them that the bus driving the soccer players back from the training camp had been in an accident. Several of the boys had been killed, including Kouyou, the captain and Akira's best friend. Akira had survived but one of his legs had been seriously enough injured that he would never play soccer again. Akira was awake now but he wasn't speaking to anyone and his mother was very worried about him.  
Taka agreed to ride with her to the hospital and try to get Akira to talk to him. While he was worried about his boyfriend being injured and in the hospital he couldn't help but feel a little relieved to know why he hadn't called. He had been imagining Akira coming home and telling him he had been replaced or that he just wasn't interested any longer.

When he got to the hospital his stomach clenched as the whiteness of the place and the sterilized smells washed over him. When he had been in the hospital last year his entire life had changed. Not everything had changed for the better but a lot of it had, he realized. That in mind he decided that he would tell Akira the whole story about why he had moved to the city.

"Akira?" his mother called as she led Taka into a standard green and white room. "Look who's here to see you."

Akira turned his head towards the window, uninterested in having company.

"Hey," Taka said as he approached the bed.

Akira tensed up but refused to look at Taka.

"Why don't I give you two some privacy," Akira's mother said as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

"I'm sorry to hear about Kouyou. I know you guys were pretty close and he was a good person."

"He kissed me."

"What? When?"

"At camp, a couple of nights before we left."

"Oh, um."

"Yeah."

Several minutes passed in uncomfortable silence.

"Taka?"

"Akira?"

"I'm sorry. I was going to tell you when I got home that it was over between us. I told Kouyou I loved him but I had to tell you properly before we could be together."

"I, ah, I see. Then I'm really sorry he's gone."

Taka didn't stick around to hear any more, he couldn't. He ran out of the room, letting the door bang shut behind him, and continued running until he was outside. He took a scrap of paper from his pocket and scrawled a note telling Akira's mother he was taking a bus home and left it under the wiper of her car.

It wasn't long before Taka noticed that he was hopelessly lost. He had never been in this part of the city before and couldn't find a single bus stop. He couldn't even remember when he had last seen a shop or any place he could stop to ask for directions. The sound of children playing and laughing led him to a park a block over.

He found a bench far enough from the playground area that it wasn't occupied and sat down heavily on it. He pulled his knees to his chest and willed himself not to cry. How had he known something like that was going to happen? All along he had thought that being with Akira was too good to be true and he'd been right.

There wasn't anything good or right or happy left inside Taka after the attack. He was damaged goods and he knew it. Somehow Akira must have known it too and as soon as someone better had come along it was over. Not that he blamed Akira, he deserved somebody whole, somebody that could love him back. Taka didn't think he'd ever be able to love anybody again.

"Taka? Takanori, is that you?"

"Yuu?" he asked, lifting his head to look around.

"It is you! What are you doing here, I thought you lived on the other... Hey, what's the matter?"

"Oh, I was at the hospital visiting Akira."

"Akira's in the hospital? What happened?"

"Most of the soccer team went to this training camp for break. When they were coming back there was an accident."

"Holy shit! I think I heard about that but I had no idea it was kids from our school on the bus. They said that some of the people on the bus were killed didn't they?"

"Yeah, five of them, all from school died. Kouyou was one of them."

"Oh man. That really sucks. How's Akira? He's going to make it right?"

"He, um, he's got a broken leg and he's pretty bruised up. He won't be able to play soccer again though."

"Damn, that's gotta be worse than death for a guy like him. How's he holding up?"

"Well, his mom said he wouldn't talk to anybody but he talked to me a little when I was there."

"What'd he say?"

Taka looked away and took a few deep breaths before he spoke again. "He said it was over."

"He said what!? Look, I'm sure he's just confused about things right now. I mean, his best friend died and they told him he couldn't do the one thing in his life that he's best at. I'm sure he'll come around in a few days once everything sinks in."

"He won't change his mind," he said as the first tear escaped.

"He might surprise you," Yuu said as he wrapped Taka in a hug. "Down Kuma."

"You have a dog?" Taka half laughed as the large puppy jumped onto his lap and started licking him.

"He's a really late birthday present, I just got him yesterday. I think he likes you."

"He's so sweet," Taka said as he scratched behind Kuma's ears.

"He's just like a giant teddy bear, right? He really likes to have his belly rubbed like this," Yuu said as he reached between the boy and dog to demonstrate. "See, pure puppy bliss."

"Look at his tail go!" Taka exclaimed.

"Just don't let him hit you with it. I've already gotten whacked in the face by him a lot."

"What's going on here?" a voice that Taka dreaded hearing asked from behind them.  
"Yutaka," Yuu said happily. "I finally got my birthday present!"

"You got your? Oh, right. The dog," Yutaka said as he looked the puppy and Taka over. "What's he doing here?"

"He was at the hospital. Remeber that accident with the bus on the news the other day? The soccer team from our school was on that bus," Yuu answered sadly.

"Oh, that's too bad," Yutaka replied. It was the first time Taka had heard him say anything nice.

"Akira was hurt badly enough that he won't be able to play soccer again and Kouyou, the captain, was one of the kids that was killed."

"Wow, that's tough," Yutaka said and gave Taka a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "You were pretty good friends with him weren't you?"

"Yeah, he, uh, he was Akira's best friend," Taka mumbled. "I really need to get home though. If you guys could just point me in the direction of the nearest bus stop?"

Yuu pointed to the far side of the park and Taka said his goodbyes before the tears could come back. He didn't know what to think as he rode the bus across town. Akira had broken up with him and then Yutaka had actually been nice. He thought briefly that maybe the world was coming to an end. At home his aunt had hugged him, saying she had talked to Akira's mother hours ago.

That night Taka sat on the floor of his room and very slowly and carefully cut across his uninjured leg. Over and over again he traced fine lines into his skin and watched the tiny beads of crimson well up. He made as many cuts as he could without going too near the part that his boxers would cover.  
It wasn't enough though. He unwound the bandage on his other leg and cut above and below the still unhealed cut from a few nights ago. It still wasn't enough to dull the pain in his chest. He wrapped both legs with bandages, cleaned and stored the razor, and put the towel in his hamper. He went to the kitchen to pour a glass of juice and noticed that his aunt had a bottle of vodka.

He shrugged and took a large glass from the cupboard. He poured a generous amount of alcohol in and filled the rest with juice. After sniffing it he took a tentative sip and decided that there was too much juice. He had drank almost half the bottle of vodka before he decided that it tasted right. Chugging down an entire large drink he began making his way to bed.

Several times he had to lean against the wall to keep from falling over and waking his aunt. He flopped onto his stomach on the bed and smiled somewhat crookedly to himself. He'd always wanted a dog but his father had said no ever time he asked. Maybe he could talk Auntie into letting him have a puppy.

He drifted off to sleep thinking about having a dog of his very own. A cute little doggie that would love him and wouldn't leave. 


End file.
